I'm thankful.

I'm thankful. For being able to have fun, to meet Liz and be able to talk to her about my true feelings, about anything at all. Meeting real friends, meeting main & Khai & Lorenz. I've got some others on my list I've not yet to meet, but we have our own lives and we know for sure that no matter how Long we've "missed out",  we don't really miss out. We know each other. We know what's up. It doesn't take much for me to have them understand how I feel. I've had so much fun the past few days. I met up with Khai, legit. I love you Khai. He was so sweet, & we know we're always cool. Always there for each other and I'm so grateful for this friendship we have. Legit. Caught up, sang together. It was great. & I met up with Lorenz today on Monday aft my first day of school. What a great way to end my first day of school. We had itacho sushi, he paid!!! Cause he just finished his internship and he's been saving. The Lorenz I last met, & the Lorenz I met today, it was all real & I see a change in him and it's all for the better and I'm so so Glad. I'm proud of you really, TBH no matter what. As Long as it's right. Even if it's wrong, we allow each other to make mistakes & we help each other out, we grow together. Bros for lyf man. Today Lorenz was like "man since when are u so chill, you know when you were with Jordan you hated him?? You were always so tensed up. & when you were with Shaun u were a lot better. But you've changed Amanda, I never thought you'd get this chill" so yea. I did. People change you, & it's a choice if you want it to let it change you. And honestly, I'm Glad I did. I'm happy where I'm at now. We're both just happy with what we have. Nothing more it's all cool. I'm glad it's been 6 years Lorenz. Another year and we'll be Bros for lyf HAHAHAHAHAHA (according to people) (advice & shit)

Well, I've learnt a lot and that's what I'm most grateful for. I'm so Glad we treasure each other guys. Liz, main, Khai, Lorenz, coven, Hugo & Johannes, Dhan, Tama and shit. True friends (': u know it when it's real. I have so many friends, but at the end of the day, they're just people you spend some of your days with, or most days TBH. But those you keep in your heart & vice versa that's rare. & im so Glad. 

I'm on my way home now. I had such a good time today, I wished Everyday could be like today, but I appreciate whatever I go through Everyday. You don't really get what you want. You have all you need, & I get it, & it's pretty cool that we don't get this all the time, it helps us appreciate it more. Right? 

We were into this really deep conversation today, just 20 minutes ago & I realised how much we've matured over the years.how I used to be a player, & how I would try it out anytime someone wants me, just for the sake of it. & it changed after Jordan. & after Shaun I changed even more. & TBH I'm just really Glad I did. TBH, I don't think I can ever hate Shaun. But whatever it is, it might just not work out, it might not be the right time whatever. But fate will decide. And TBH I'm so happy. Though some nights it might suck, but I'm all good. I've been so happy. And maybe that's why I haven't been blogging much but I want to remember these old times where I actually felt the need to talk about it. Talking about it now so in the future I can read back & reminscent on all these good times, & be grateful for it. I had a good life & all these stuff. What would I do without you guys, you know? I never needed a relationship, & I'm really enjoying myself. I'm on my way to feeling full. And it just makes me feel so liberated. Whatever I've gone through, it's all in the past. Whatever happens in the future, let it happen. Whatever it is, it will happen if it has to. My mom has been really sweet too, my dad too. & I remember making food for my parents last week and delivering it to their workplace & though they didn't say much, I know they felt the love and they were really happy. That's all that matters. I love you, & I'll do WHATEEVR I can do make you happy. & I will never ever give up. I think that's true love. Never giving up. 

It is only able to work out only when you decide that the relationship you have with these people are more important than anything else.

One day I'll find someone that can do that, it might be someone new, or a familiar face. Well i wouldn't know right? But I want to be single for awhile, & I'm happy being this way. Enough of the heartbreaks. I'm totally okay. 

I've been happy, that's all that matters. 

Been doing things for myself, & I hope that whatever it is, however it works out for anyone in my life, if you're happy I'm happy for you. & if Shaun finds someone new & if he's in love, ill be happy for him, sincerely. It might hurt, or whatever it is. I know I just want the best for him. & I tried but I can't hate him / in fact I can't ever dislike him. But no worries, I've been happy, I hope that he has been too. In the end we did this because it was best for the both of us. We knew.  

I've been just doing lots of things for fun. I've been living a young teens life. I realised that even though I'm mature at my age it doesn't mean that I have to be that way. Cause one day I'll have to stop being childish. And I'm just holding on to this youth, as long as it can last. 

thanks mandy. For taking care of yourself. I know I'm always very bad at caring for myself (ESP my health) but I'm progressing. I've been taking care of my own heart as a start. I've rejected 3 guys. Because I just want to be happy & I wanna feel liberated. I want to do this on my own. Independence is the best thing ever. Like I said & like I knew all along, the happiest people are those who can stand on their own two feet. That's the best thing you can do for yourself. That's the best thing to offer to at least yourself, & it assures everyone else around you. My friends, my parents. The people I love basically. 

I'm thankful.