Thoughts that are valuable to me, & things that I don't want to pretend I'm not having.
I want a good life; a career, a car, a nice house, a loving family, someone who loves me, & a handful of people I can belong with forever. I want to be able to achieve everything that money can't buy.
(Or at least without using money)
Sometimes I see the world as an unfair place & I keep it as that. & i try to move on. But my mom told me this & I just heard it somewhere else again- we can't stop where we came from but we can choose where we want to go from there. It's not a lot but it's enough to guide me through this.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be. We were looking at each other, after a good Long talk. There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard, nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons(, which I've had for the wrong ones lately). That was the one time all day that I really wanted the clock to stop. And just be there for a Long time. I realised that I really cared about someone because i wanted them to be happy, even if it I winded up losing them. So, I believe that we do accept the love we think we deserve. And I will learn to accept that what I want is important too, that I can't just sit there and put everyone's life ahead of mine and count that as love. Something more than just on the surface. Someone who loves me truly for who I am, someone who won't sit down and put my life before theirs just to see me happy when it's not meant to be that way.
I will get through this. There is nothing more to apologise about other than that I am still learning. Which I don't even have to apologise for. Instead of being sorry I will be & I am thankful. I will enjoy whatever that I'm going to see, feel, hear & think. Because it's happening. It goes on. Live on.
"And if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have. Good & bad."
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