Here I am, lying beside someone who taught me a very valuable lesson. 

That I can't ever convince my heart over my head. Whatever I want, comes with the prices I've already paid to get this far. 

Lying beside me is a man that I do not love, & I do not bare to let lay my hands on. I do not sympathise Nor do I understand how I can deal with whatever he's going through better than himself. No matter how right or how wrong can he be its a matter of time where he will understand on his own & thats when he will be able to understand himself. 

Lying beside me now is a man I forced myself to love when I couldn't & I still can't. I never wanted to, over whatever feelings I've missed, even regardless the urges and my physical needs I hereby promise myself now that I cannot put myself through anything like this anymore.

I am a girl who has been experimenting, & it feels like it finally paid off today. Today I learnt more about myself, my self worth & the respect & concern that I do bury inside. 

I am happiest tomorrow when I leave this man, having it finally be over. 

I am happiest being alone.