Just realised (again) how much SHIT I've been weighing on myself the past few months. Distracting myself with everything else that I appreciated in my life; it turned into hate, & tho that hate didn't last Long it turned into dread. Which I scrambled into a phase after, & I completely lost it for awhile. I've no idea why it was so hard for me to get over my ex but well IT HAPPENED ZZ. After that it took me a Long time to get myself back up. Trust me I tried every single day. Some days when he comes back I just completely lose it again. (Glad I watched how to be single so I can hashtag #DICKSAND) & after that, my passion was a fear I had to overcome, (for some reason) & I did,  but while I was getting there I did lose a few precious people in my life. The numbers are little but they meant the world to me. & I don't really know how it happened but I must've fucked up real bad. & I'm still trying to accept that life goes on, & things are just the way it is now. I've been overwhelming myself with lots of work the past few months cuz the gears were switched back & I've been obsessed. But at the same time I've made compromises & promises and I just can't let go of them just yet. Still working towards it. But I promise to let it all go. I've been trying to be less emotional. I've been way independent lately. I've been worried sick about my health and I usually don't even give a fuck which means it's becoming DAMN bad and if I don't do anything about it soon I'm prolly gonna die a lot earlier than I expected.

I still feel like crying and I don't even know why & what's the specific cause of it. Am I just tired of what ITS 2016 SCIENCE TECHNOLOGY WHOEVER I CAN PLEAD PLS DONT WE HAVE A MIND READER BY NOW I NEED TO OPENLY UNDERSTAND  MY OWN MIND CUZ MY BRAIN IS FKING RETARDED

I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND MYSELF WTF
FUCK & its 5-17 I need to sleep WTF WTF WTF????????