💖

Hi, I just have some things to think about. 

I've been thinking a lot lately, but I realised I've been putting it all down only in my head and I'm exhausted from everything that's overcrowding inside. Am I really doing my best?? How many friends do I really have? What have I been building to hold me up?? 

Who am I actually what say do I really have in anything. 

I keep my my mouth shut & I keep my morale strong until everything's over & im going to take a good Long break. 

After that life's gonna hit me like a train. 

I Guess we could say that no ones really prepared to grow up. I'm definitely not. 

I could do anything an adult can but I want to just live like this for awhile more, but I know I can't. 

I'm actually okay with it, it just sucks.

Why do things happen?? Why can't I just know whatever's happening. I want to be in control. I want to  feel like I'm happy with what i have. Why do I feel happy & all of a sudden when something pushes me I completely lose my balance? 

What control do I have over myself? Do I really have the rights to do whatever I want as Long as it doesn't hurt anyone else???? 

What am I doing wrong?? Why does it seem like I'm doing so many things wrong. 

I'm tired but I'll push through whatever I have to to end things well. Do you realise that the end of a bad year could become the best year of your life just because of a good last month? Because there's a resolution to everything that happened in that year. Everything that accumulates to actually enlighten you on why you're having a good time. 

What do I have to do to, I feel lonely. 

I've been losing so many friends & people I love & I Guess it's typical, but I thought I had it all figured out. 

I want my wisdom back. I want to go for yoga classes, have a passion for something I really want to do, do it Everyday. 

I'm gonna ctrl+delete whatever I have in my desires right now & focus on one thing that's important right now. I'm gonna do it well & im gonna find myself back once I'm done working on this one aspect of my life. I've messed it up for about 3 years, I'm giving it a good ending. Nothing else matters. 

______ 

Mandy you've never been afraid, don't let it slow you down. 

Jiayou.