I've never really had a preference for people, I always treated people way better than they treat me. & today I suddenly realized that I might actually do have a preference, but it's slight.
Funny how it is.
But life is funny. My feelings are funny.
I don't see anything going anywhere. I don't want things too anywhere as of now, & I'm glad everything's going slow & smooth as compared to 1 month ago. I was making all the wrong moves, I was really delusional. & even up to today I might still be healing. & I hope that I'll keep going strong.
Maybe my mind's playing tricks on me, maybe it's just me.
But I've had a great day enjoying fish soup, I definitely want to go back again! Will be treating biggodude the next time I do. (-: thanks for lunch!
I went to town afterwards to meet the rest. Kay, Ian, Alwin & Khai. We were supposed to watch a movie but God damnit I promised Sharmain & sissy that I'll be watching with them tomorrow so I couldn't join them gorls (Kat,Ian,Alwin,Khai) & they actually decided to pay for my tickets so I decided to bring them to Vivo to shop HAHAHAHA. Feeling like a bij cause in the end I was the only one shopping again!!!!! Gotta stop buying stuff.
After that we went to the skypark to chill & I swear I love them gorls so much. It's always laughter & fun with them around. <3
I'm so thankful for this bunch. I really am.
& ian, I'm always here for you. No matter what you're feeling, how much you want to hide in the void, I'll be going there with you. I'll bring you out, you'll find your strength in the love that you receive from anyone but her. Remember that whatever happens always stay sane because life fucking goes on.
It does, it really does. 2 months ago you told me that I was beautiful & no doubt I deserved better, I do I really do. Time & again I tend to forget what I am worth. I guess I have pretty low self esteem. But pay attention to what I say & keep this in mind.
I only got stronger because I pushed through this, I pushed through this because of you guys. Because of you, Pei, bb, nozo, Liz, meyyen, Esther, candicejj & many others who might not have said much but as much as I've tried to cut down I still see many names that stand out.
You're never really alone or in good hands, you're only safe if you want to be.
Keep your heart safe, keep it close to you, take this as a darling lesson to learn that people come & go. That life goes on. That things will always, always get better someday. Like you said " I always believe that if I lose something, I'll gain something else" & That's true. You gained the love of friendship, & that's one of the most treasured accertainties in the world.
Remember that I love you, okay hunnie?
We all do.
& with this you can start to love yourself, so some day someone might see this amazing person you are & learn to love you the way you learned to love yourself.
The right things will come by, just remember to catch it when you know you should. (-:
I'm done for today, I'm blessed.
I'm on my way home.
Goodbye.
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