I'm so tired.

So tired, so drained up everyday. I really wished I could just be really be amazing, but I guess I'm not. Holding up to these commission works, school is stressful enough.. I guess everyone can say that. It's supposed to be. Why am I trying so hard to be different? Be so admirable be so successful?? Is it even possible? 

Am I doing the right thing... What's my priority? What do I want. Is it really a go or a no? 

Features, projects, assignments, feelings, connections, fame, money.. Is that what I really want??

It all burns down when I feel a rush of pain & drain of energy after doing so much for so long. 

Do I persevere?? It's never easy right. It's never gonna be easy, but is this where I draw the line?

Do I have time for this? What should j do? Do i need to do all these, do I have time to fall in love again, it's been a roller coaster. It's been amazing. 

Yes it's been amazing. Would all these never have happened if I never said yes to anything I didn't have to do??

What do I actually have to do?

I'm so confused. So tired. So, so so so tired. But I want to be something. I need to work for it. I have to. 

Get that gpa back, get that drive Mandy. 

Why are you feeling so weak? Are you lacking something? In need of something, what do you want? 

Don't you want to be rich?

Admirable? A role model? 

Be that person. Why are you being so weak? 

Push Mandy, push it through all & get stronger, as soon as you get stronger push again. Keep pushing.

Keep going. Don't give up.

You know you want this.

.. Right? Don't you want this? 

Why are you writing all these?? 

Are you trying to motivate yourself. 

It's been a tough drive yes, but life is never gonna kiss your ass right??

Get your shit together already, get it be tough.

Take care of your health. Take care of yourself. & take care of your happiness. Do what makes you happy. What really makes you happy?? 

Is it all the money you manage to earn on your own? Is it being carefree?? 

Do you want to be carefree & poor? 

Do you want to live in a world of denial & complain.

Don't go there, I'm feeling disappointed. I'm so disappointed that you Mandy, me, whatever the fuck, you're feeling this way. But you can't help it right?

You're still feeling it. No matter how much you know people care, or not, how many people you wanna beat, it pushes you, it beats you down a little. So many what the fuck are you doing now?

Stop being weak. & don't you dare go there. Don't you dare cry. 

Hopelessness is nothing you should be feeling. 

So what if you're not there yet? So what if people don't see potential in you??

I believed in you many times, many people believe in you. Why can't you believe in yourself this time. 

Why can't you just take things easy & do it all. 

Storm through it.

What do you want?

Wait, is this worth it?

ISIT Mandy? 

You want it, you want recognition? You gotta gain it. Go do it. Suck it up. 

Fall asleep now if you need, it's probably another 20 minutes till you reach the right stop. 

Go to sleep, wake up. Get your shit together.

You can do this.