I always thought I knew how it seems when people really cared or not but now I don't even know. It's like my senses shut down I can't sense anything and I really hate it. I lost that control again and I don't know why I depend on that to be affected or not. I'd usually say that if I want it I'll take it if not, I won't, but it's just so suffocating now that everything just seems to piss me off and I can't even sleep. Blogging used to be a chore and it would help me fall asleep but I spend most of my days now trying to sleep the entire night trying everything that I possibly can only to fall asleep when the sun's about to come up & I feel hopeless as fuck.  Let's try it again.