I literally hate it

I hate birthdays, I hate having high expectations for anything to happen, considering that i take myself as a really good Friend, I'll say it. I do think that I'm great. I'm sweet. I do whatever I can for anyone at all who needs me. I'm understanding & im always there for anyone. I'll throw away anything just to be there, cause I know how it feels. How it feels to be upset, how it feels to have fhese feelings. 

I hate it, having to always remjnd myself that I shouldn't expect certain things from people. Only doing it for the sake of doing it. Our actions reflect what we love, & I'm so disappointed. I hate having a day of more expectations to subside. 

It fucking sucks. 

I hate this. Maybe cause I have very high expectations for myself and its natural for me to expect the same from others, not towards but at least towards themselves. I hate having these little bloody feelings and they drain me out so much. 

I have nothing to say, what are we doing today? Fuck all that, fuck this fuck that FUXK it all really. I have more emotions than being angry. I can feel fucking disappointed and really sad as well, that's what explains my anger always. I'm never angry alone. I'm angry cause I'm sad & im disappointed to a point where I can't stand it anymore. 

I really didn't want to say anything like this, but forget it I'm saying it now, heck it with all the fucking birthday wishes. Heck it all with the appreciation. If you care, do show it to me. I'm disappointed in everyone. Everyone for not appreciating me..

 "Happy birthday amanda!! My turn to be so rou ma but yknow thanks for being such a bright light in my life. You make people feel very appreciated and well i hope they appreciate you in return!! 

I'm also really glad to have known you. You may be pretentious af sometimes but deep down you treat people very genuinely so i guess it evens out?? Jk la omg i dont cb. i meant it as a compliment!! Because i appreciate you being honest!! And stay true to yourself even though you might doubt yourself at times!! 

Thanks for being around to listen to my nonexistent romantic life!! Thanks for being such a listener!!

May you have a fulfilling and blessed year ahead. And if you meet into troubles, we're here to give a helping hand or ear!! Or shoulder.. 

Finally, thanks for being you and thanks for existing hahahaha. Ai ni 

Blessed birthday mandy!! 😊😊"

I just can't get it through, everyone knows I'm not appreciated enough, even I know that but fuck, I don't want to expect anything. I'm genuine. I don't blame anyone at all for not doing certain things for me, but I understand. I'm just disappointed. I'm just sad for now. I'll be fine. Just can't wait for this bloody day to be over. What a stupid concept; birthdays pfft.