Something crazy happened

I might've gone a little bit too far with the overthinking. 

I was waiting for the bus home, & after 20 minutes I realised there wasn't any bus anymore. And usually I would just walk home but I was just tooooo exhausted. But anyways. Was crossing the road and it came to a point where I didn't want to fucking bother anymore and I just thought "if a car ran pass and knocked me down I think it would actually be ok" fuck. A car was running right at me & I stopped walking for awhile. I put myself to give up. On anything, at all. "Just come so people can care bout me" & the car horned & I tried to walk off, faster. But it drove pass me. I........ Have.. No idea. What to do anymore. I was being a loser. But I decided that I should just live through this. It's gonna be ok. I'm usually never like this. But today was a breaking point. I'm stuck in my toilet looking at my feet. Typing this while I stare at myself wondering what I should do bout all these emotions. It's funny how I can't talk to anyone about this. It's only me that I can confide in. Fucking funny how I'm always never secured with having someone coming right up to save me. I shouldn't expect that anyway. Funny.. Life is ducking funny. Maybe I'm just a fucking joke. Get it together. I'm sick of this person I'm becoming.