Knokijnbdhs

Hi. I actually had lots of feelings to write down, had so much to say the entire day but I was so caught up in everything. I ............ Am pretty broken. Physically. 

But yea other than that I think I should say much, I really just feel like I should just knock out. 

But I CANT SEEM TO SLEEP YET IDK WHY GEEZ HAHAHA. Idk why I'm laughing lmao this is serious. 

Anyway. I've been reading Tuesday's with Morrie, and I really .. Well again it caught me speechless. I'm pretty done. I mean pretty much ALL the secrets of the world are contained in books. Ok geez maybe, fine there’s prolly more to life than books, you know. But not much more. 

Not much more at all. 

Books make you feel, think, reflect and that's the best thing there is to experience. 

And it led me to thinking about change.

How.. We always think we're incapable of doing certain things just cause we're trapped or locked up in these bones.

 No, no. 

We are free to change. 

And love changes us. 

And if we can love one another, we can literally break open the sky. Maybe then 

I’ll be honest with you. I’m a little bit of a loner. It’s been a big part of my maturing process to learn to allow people to support me. Cause I tend to always try to be very self-reliant and private about anything. ( ok fine it usually doesn't even work out but I try ok) And I have this history of wanting to work things out on my own and protect people from what’s going on with me, vice versa. But I'm gonna let myself run free on this site. 

Maybe the past few months I haven't even noticed doing this, but I really came to a realisation that it happened. & I was not a bystander anymore. I Guess I didn't forget anything, or anyone. I guess we have all hurt someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. we have all loved someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. it is an intrinsic human trait, and a deep responsibility, i think, to be an organ and a blade. I learnt that last night, I learnt the way of seeing things, of how I could actually hurt others as well. How I potentially always unintentionally hurt myself. Ok but anyway, we people, same people I guess we have to come to terms with these facts & go on to learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely and that's what makes us most human.

 we make horrible mistakes. 

it’s how we learn. 

we breathe love. 

it’s how we learn.

 and it is inevitable.

But with this will I will find a way, I have no idea how yet, but I'll surely be able to do it. I'm learning, I'm learning. 

I deserve more than this that I see in myself, that I let others see. I think I could go wayyyy back next time and laugh bout how stupid I sound. 

But it's a stupid I'll learn to get better off. 

Goodnight guys