Today, the past few days, basically.

Wow, the entire day was so lonely today.. Except for the love I got from my friends helping me out. <3 thanks guys. & to pekz too for trying your best to take care of me the past few days when you were so busy and exhausted but I was sick. Sorry to say but It really sucks these few days & I can't really elaborate why it's such a struggle but I know that it's real & I just need to get it over and done with. I can do it. Although I don't feel it yet but I'm already trying and I see the problem so it should work out. Anyway it kinda sucks knowing that I'm pretty much alone in this whole situation no matter how anyone would try to be here for me. I guess that's just how the real world works, but anyway, thank you. 

It's been so draining to refrain myself from any emotional or mental breakdown prior to these immense problems that I'm facing.. I really hope that I can find the strength to pick up the pace soon. I'm literally so tired from trying to be strong & to work shit out on my own. But I've really been trying my best and I don't really care if anyone knows that I'm struggling anymore. It's really happening on a different level now and it's come to a point where I'm too tired to write it down on my personal entry so I'm just typing it here on my blog for anyone to see because this is the only other source of comfort aside from my diary but I've no will to pick it up and switch off the lights and move about all over when I'm done again. I'm really trying my best to work things out and fuck for gods sake Mandy please get this over and done with. One more year, we can do this. 

Anyway, I have been working on myselfondividually as a person and idk how it's gonna work out balancing all these on one hand, but I think I can make it work. Because at the end of the day all I wanna Ensure is that I'm actually becoming a better person Everyday & that I'm doing things that justify myself as a human being on a road to success & that I'm closer to making my parents proud. I'll keep working hard & I hope that I'll start to be able to handle all this on my own without any help at all. I'll keep working on it I promise. I Guess as for now I'm not really capable of listing down all my worries and frustrations but I know there's a bunch & im Super Super Super done with so many but I just have to fucking deal with it. That's the truth Mandy. I really hate how writing this down reflects on my weaknesses and plus it's a big part of myself and maybe I should just stop writing here. But then again I don't want to let others affect me so maybe I should just keep doing it as well? My brain isn't even working anymore and I don't even know what I'm even trying to say so mmmm I should go to sleep soon. I'll prolly fall asleep watching some videos. My body is failing me oh geez for goodness sake if only I could be immortal. Lmao. Goodnight Mandy, you can do this.