I've been thinking about why it has been so hard for me to feel good being single, and i realised what i've been missing. All along i was single 15 years of my life (not very long but well), & I've craved romance like any other girl. (gotta admit it right here, at least in my comfort zone)
Until i met people who decided that i was attractive to them, which was besides the whole point of being in a relationship but okay, let's put that aside. I was never really single for the past 4 years, & people came, people left. I was so used to that that i was so conflicted with everyone around me, i pushed people away while i needed them. I've clung onto attachment like it was a part of me, but i was always known as an independent human being. I gotta admit, i was not.
Well okay. Maybe to a certain extent i was, but i was never independent in my own eyes, & maybe that was what has been holding me back for the past few months. I was in love for awhile, I really was. He was the world to me. So much more than I could give. But it didn't work out. Anything could've been the cause. But it's over & i'm glad it did.
It made me realise - hey. Maybe being in a relationship had it's perks, but they had their share of disadvantages too. Maybe we only remember the perks when it’s all over and done with, hahahaha, & that was definitely me. We romanticized the past now that the people we were so comfortable with.. are really gone. I guess. These little habits tend to make it difficult to see the reasons why he, who once meant the world to them is not......zz the one? And this makes starting over again so damn fking hard.
But, then again, life is how you make it.
Hunnie. You have more control over your life than you think.
& Hunnie you will fall in love again. You might not love the same way again, but if you've learnt your lesson, & have replaced the bad habits with good ones & avoid repeating the same mistakes, you will have a better relationship with someone better.
Pamper yourself, focus on the 10s of other things you've always wanted to do, get your life back on track, with no support from anyone.
Because the only support you need is from you.
Take it from me, maybe i'm not the best example yet. But i'm doing what i can for the best of my being
& i've never been so happy.
I might even be happier than this *winks at whoever is reading this cuz i am faking a confidence which i am working on but you dont need to know that so i dont know why im pointing it out*
Enough of my bullshit, i'm signing out.
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